Voyeurism in the Virtual Vurld!

Ok if you still staring at that last word and wondering wht on holy earth it means, scratch your head no further, cos I couldn’t think of a word which starts with V! Gotcha there! Last week during our regular chai-meet I was humoured by this interesting conversation between my fellow othala members(thats our gang name, jobless, that’s wht it means).
“Dudeh, new rules on Orkut, you can’t view any random girls scrapbook or album unless you are on her friend list”, Othala exclaimed with that extra pinch of remorse.
“Abhe yaar then nobody will use Orkut ”, added Afzal.
“But isn’t Orkut a social netwroking site where you can get in touch with lost friends from school and college and stay connected with people you know”, I thought out loud. What a clumpsy thought!Duh! Obviously I was thinking wrong, cos all the people who come under the ‘Orkut addicts’ community use it for ulterior motives, profile hoping being the most common.
Orkut invaded my space back in college, and this networking site is presumed to be the brainwave of a strange guy who answers to the call of Orkut Buyukkkoten-somethign, what a highly laughabale and strange name I say. I reckon he started all this cos he was somebody who was extremely lonely, somebody who didn’t have friends all through his school and college days cos nobody could get his name right and took more than a couple of seconds tryin to get the pronounciation. This is what I presume would have happened.

*A game of hide and seek in the 60’s*
Kid A :: “..98,99,100, All ready im opening my eyes”
Orkut (thinking to himself) :: “If I jump from the corner of the bush and make ash for the dabba point, im sure to beat him”


With this brave thought he dashes to the pole or dabba spot, the denner(that’s wht the main guy was called) sees Orkut from the corner of his eye and runs in from the other direction,all the while pullin out his hair tryin to recollect his name.


Orkut (exclaiming with great joy):: “Dabba dabba dabba, you loose”
Kid A :: “Die fiend, die, I reached the spot before u did, but your name didn’t roll out of my tongue that’s why I didn’t hit dabba”
Orkut (oblivious of everything):: “Dabba dabba dabba”
Kid A :: “ &%^(*$, screw you, im going home”

Having being tortured by his friends since early childhood, Orkut lived a rather sad and solitary life. To win back his lost childhood and all the joys of hanging around with friends he decides to start a networking site. Jobless Brazilians and Indians lend support in this nobel cause and start scraping each other in the name of “friendship” and the rest as they say is a mystery, sorry history! When I started ‘orkuting’, it was more like a competiton. “That bitch has two friends and 5 scraps more than me, dammit, I better improve my stance here” was my only recurring thought, so I started hunting down lost friends like the end of the world was drawing close and scraping “Hi” to anybody and everybody who was online even if I had scraped them 10 “Hey” the past 3 min! Soon it got addictive, and by addictive I mean tallying scraps and friend requests every nanosecond! There is a downside to this fun way of holding on to friendship, your life is a open book. People prying through scraps and the albums can get a good amount of information about the person in question. Ok I admit even I have done that nosey thing! If the person is the straight-from-the-shoulder types you even have information of his/her eye or hair color and also relationship status, so if you honest and reveal that you are single, you’ll find a filthy lot of people with their sickeningly derogatory english asking you for “fraindship and to get in touch with the baasht friand available”. Shucks! This popularity led to the mushrooming of lot other networking sites like Facebook, where you can give a ‘hug’ to any stranger and your friends accquitances will automatically become your friends. This type of networking is indeed a good way to stay in touch with people ‘you know’ from different corners of the world and also a fun way to stay in touch with people you really don’t care a rats fart, like that guy in school who got away with ass licking all the teachers.

What kicked me off into writing this stuff is when I read an article in the paper which said that on Facebook any online purchases you do on the net will be intimated to your friends, so if you swipe that credit card and decide to duck into a bar of chocolates that information will be relayed to all your friends on the face of this earth. Christ Jesus, some random guy telling me im fat enough and those calories in the choc would just add onto my weight would be the last thing I would want to hear! Till the epidemic lasts revel in it but don't start looking at people as virtual objects, a human touch will do you more good then a virtual hug!

Tiny feats

Winter, wine, wool, what a way to usher in this festive season, and my typing that above link you made it doubly fun cos staring back at you is my 50th blog from the dork-talk blog factory. !Paradiddles! Ok the applauses are ringing in my ears, so you can all sit down now. Whats strange about those clapping is that, its coming from all corners of the world, now when I say “all corners” I really mean it, unless the sitemter is lying throught its teeth, a vitual liebite of sorts! So all you Scandinavian guys, I know it’s the dead of winter in your countries and half of your time is spent shut-in, but you could do better than typing random things on google like “retarded cherry yummy yummy”! Jesus christ, blondes are really dumb I say!

From here on ill be dwelling on the past, the howz and whyz of my blogging story. Way back in March when the heat was really taking its toll on us, and venturing out in the afternoons was like sacrilege(I didn’t want to increase the revenues of fairness creams!) I decided to write stuff, and by stuff I mean random shit which require minimal levels of intelligence to comprehend. The start didn’t start of with a bang as expected, I had to resort to bribes, coaxing people with bitti stuff etc to get them to read my blogs. Bravo, bravo, they all cried out, those goons were after more bitti stuff, so I gathered. Some of my other friends, the critics that they are, called by blogs self-indulgent gibberish, ahem! I pardoned them for those sweet words cos I didn’t want to loose friends and become a troglodyte. But inspite of all the brickbats and drumrolls, blogging opened up a whole new world, a world I have slowly started taking comfort in, a world were boredom is non-existant and forty winks is something I have completely eliminated from my weekend afteroon agenda.

Men and the Melanin Mess

The sun is beating down hard, and across the paddy fields a group of guys are soaked up in a game of snake&ladder, the huge mango tree along the dirt track provides them with that much needed respite from the late evening sun. I walk upto those 13-14 year old fellas and ask why they aern’t playin running and catching or hide and seek games that I used to indulge in when I was around their age. A young lad looks up from the board, points up and says “look at how hot it is, we are scared we would get tanned and chechi, the mallu sun-burned look is out!”. Now now now, I stood their shocked, when did the word ‘melanin’ take the fun out of young guys. That shock is what woke me up from my sleep, and the dream guys, was fostered by the recent SRK ad, where our dude with arithmetically correct ab's promotes a fairness cream sayin "gora banne kha instant blah blah (fuck knows what)". Well i would have loved to know what he said in that ad but i couldn't resist pressing that remote button.

On a recent visit to H&G with friends this cosmetic enlightment hit me on my face. As I was walking between the racks of soaps and creams and shampoos, a different variety of creams stopped me on my track, staring from the rack were a dozen or so pancy loooking men, with clear exfoliated face, shaped eyebrows and white bleached skin, and above their faces in white bold letters were written the words “Fairness Cream for men”. Going by the number of skin whitening creams on display and the sheer number of companies making these products I looked like indian men were considering this cosmetic wonder as the next best thing after Viagra! Whatever happened to the tall-dark-handsome look that sent girls crooning on their knees, i guess the likes of Dhoni and small B sure need to go someplace else.

I still remember my teenage years when we would sit oogling at the jungle wonder,Tarzan, his strong calloused hands, nice even sun-tan, unruly chest hair and unkempt hair could now be considered passe, whats in is the manicured-pedicured-exfoliated metro sexual male. Hah! I think this whole cosmetic enlightment among indian men started with our very own SRK bathing in a tub full of milk, with rose petals strewn in to create the atmosphere and clearly glowin in this new found skin, yeah yeah its the Lux Ad. This triggerd another series of Ad’s where men clearly conscious of their melanin infused skin goes snooping into his mothers or sisters closet to steal creams. Probably men were always conscious of their looks and these ad's are just fuelling that innate desire, the no of creams in the market should be an acting proof. Whatever it is the fairness cream companies are not complaining, for them things wouldn't have looked errr...fairer !

Cradle to the grave, a short journey indeed...

It not true what they say about the past-you can bury it, the past can leave a scar, deep enough to be visible through all your years. The past is what she’s been trying to grapple since that fateful day.
“I’ll see you all in the evening, after my exams, bye ”, Sandra heard her sister scream out these words before zipping off on her bike. “Awrite, good luck, bye” , she called out but her voice was muffled by the roaring engine. That was the last she saw her. The events that unfolded later during the days seemed to her as irrational and surreal as a dream, her sister wrapped in white, her body motionless and farely unscathed, her face a picture of placidity, the funeral pyre beside her and her shell-shocked family all around…
Our life hangs precariously, one moment you live a blissful existence, and the next moment you at the gates of the heavenly abodes. ‘Live every moment’, this is one of the most cliched phrases you get to hear but what I witnessed last weekend made me realise that you should indeed live every moment cos you never know if you’ll be around long enough to smell the evening bloom. I’ll not be able to fathom her grief, the condolences will not help in filling that deep void her sister left behind and life for her will not be the same, but these are the things that forms the crux of our miniscule existence. When I read about people who meet an untimely end I think to myself, it always happens to somebody else but we are also a ‘somebody’ to someone else. Drive carefully, death is lurking is every turn and every move you make.

Meliorating spectator fervour

My friends claim it to be the most dramatic climaxes to the Formula One season. The Brazilian grand Prix saw Kimi snatch away the championship from favourite Hamilton who eroded right from the start. I logged onto the g-talk today morning and saw a plethora of status msgs like “Go KIMI”, ”Kimi yeah, Dig it alonso”, ”Kult Kimi Konquers yet again” and pure simple plain ones like “Kimi!!” (some ppl even wrote that in a mix of upper n lower case). Its pretty obvious that a lotta of my friends follow F1, and to get along with them you have to learn how to talk F1. To me, these phrases may not have a lotta meat on them but an average 20 year something guy can use them to keep a conversation going for hours.Phew! So I was hooked last night watching the Brazilian Grand Prix trying to figure out the Driver Standing, Consturctor Standing, funda behind Compound tyres blah blah for the pure sweet simple reason;I could activley participate in the F1 discussions! So much for being ‘cool’ I say. As I saw the sleak, shiny, colorful machines go round and round with that annoying mosquito-buzz like sound I thought, they can turn this mundane boring sport into a truly exciting, dangerous and audience-grabbing one by adding some view-excitement. We could achieve this by diggin up deep pits(slightly bigger than the cars) at unmarked locations, so everytime the driver takes a turn he would have to swerve his machine to avoid fallin into the pit. This would result in a lot more collisions and ‘pit-falls’! woo! We could extend this concept by spilling some super slippery oil or grease, also at unmarked locations which would send the cars flying in different direction. Yeah baby now we talking Sports! They sure to rake in millions! Why do we have to stop this view-excitement concept to F1 alone, we could extend this to other sports also. Read on..
Golf
Yawnn! Few sports are as dull as professional golf.Any imbecile in his right state of mind wouldn’t spend precious time watching this but when a beehive is placed right above the flight of the ball, it demands a more flawless swing on the part of the golfer and boy! lets not even get to the exhilaration part of it. We could make it even more challenging by placin a deadly hornets nest right beside the hole, this simple handicap will attract even greater violence and tragedy loving fans will sure be screaming for more.

Sking
Come winter olympics and all you get to see is sking, sking and more sking. Currently all that the professional skiers do is lazily wind down the hill bending and turning and bumping. Simply chaining hungry lions and tigers and grizzly bears to each flag will demand more precision and greater challenge from the sportsmen. Woohoo!

Volleyball
A game that mainly consists of jumping, smashing and hitting some really fast balls that any sensible person cannot return back makes volleyball a big “So what?”, but placing some really sharp barbed wires above the net will turn a simple foul into something really foul. Sponsors bank accounts will turn green as the sand soaks in all that red!

Shooting
Concentration, silence and no movement, a game like this can put you to sleep inadvertently, but don’t loose heart brother we could spice it up with some bikini-clad babes doing the honour of holding the dart boards. We could also make the boards reboundable so if the arrow doesn’t pierce through the eye it would revert back towards the shooter. Viewers will sure pony up big bucks to watch it!

Basketball
Ok lets not touch this game cos its excting enough. What with all the rebounds, cheerleaders, 7foot tall dunkers and cuttie-pie Tony!

Distanced from reality

“… its not only the war that’s disturbing, our freedom is curbed in that flea ridden place”, my uncle retorted when I asked him how his stay in Bangladesh had been. He had a far away look in his eyes when he thought back on his 6yrs tenure there. The stories he told shook me up, the two leading candidates contesting the election have criminal records to boast, and they are both ladies, the army has taken over from the government, the whole country is engulfed in a political turmoil, with fourtneen different heads of government and alteast four military coups. Woo! I sat spelbound listening to all this, the army has banned all private TV stations and the national media is under censorship, shucks!so much for freedom. A couple of days back Bharghav had written this blog, which gave us an insight into the terrible times we live in. India is sure trampling on troubled waters with nobody to steer us clear of all the hullabaloo happening around. For starters we have the whole nation fighting over the existence or non-existence of a blessed bridge, then we have the media and ahmm junta fighting over whether jail is the place to be for a guy who gave the world the term gandhigiri. Sheesh, our nation is a story of how far from reality we have truly come. We need to open our eyes wider, open it wider to take in the situation happening around us. So as a nation are we really screwed up? I don’t think so.

Nestled between the two mighty oceans we have a country which was once called ‘pearl of the indian ocean’, the pearl is tarnished beyond repair. After years of peace, Sri Lanka has again plunged into a conflict between the government and the Tamil tigers popularly known as the LTTE. Peace remains plagued in this war torn country which has witnessed ceasefire followed by killing without impunity and an economy which is still coming to terms with the upheaval.

Thousand of inocent monks in their orange robes were mercilessly shot to death. I watched with sympathy the horrors unraveling on the streets on Burma these last few weeks. When Aung Kyi (she is so breathtakingly beautiful!) won the last election there was much joy, but it was short lived cos the military took over entirely- the govt has been invisible since then. Half the population is in some kinda forced labour and reports say AIDS is ravishing the country ferociously. Denying human rights, killing, and using rape as a war against minorities is wht Burma/Myanmar fights everyday thanks to the military regime.

This place boasts of eight of the world’s ten highest peaks but at the apex of it all is a constitutional monarchy that is very close to becoming a Maoist state. The aristocratic king has lost all his power as head of state and army thanks to Maoist rebels and new political leaders who want to completely overthrow the monarchy.If the Maoist seize power then the kiling, kidnapping, torturnin and bombing happening now will look pale in comparison.God forbid something like this happens !

China is one of the worlds oldest civilization but its economic progress the last couple of years is almost scary! This rapid urbanization has resulted in over 50million farmers(yeah u read the figures right,no wonder they are the most populous in the world!) loosing their farmlands. We might be sharing their problems of population and corruption but here we atleast have the freedom of gathering up a group of like minded ppl and walking down the streets hurling abuses at the government !

This country is a piece of cake. Musharaff said “lets have a general election and elect our leader”, sure enough an election was held and a general was elected! Military dictatorship statred 10 yrs back, parlimant was disbanded, constitution was suspended and the country plunged into a monetary debt from which it has still not recovered. An ex-prime minister who was ousted in a coup detat and a woman ex-prime minister who is contesting the election have both been in exile. What pakistan needs is an end of the military regime for it to gain ground from the bombing and killings that has plagued it for over a decade.

We are not so screwed afterall. Am I happy? Oh hell yes!

lets put this on hold

I have been wanting to blog something for the past three weeks, futile attempts at finding a interesting topic and laziness coupled with procrastination resulted in my blog gathering heavy cobwebs. Last week i was in conversation with a friend who happens to be real sloth like me. He said "Ann, even procrastinators are useful citizens who can be effective, admired and appreciated", passing this as a otiose dialogue i continued sipping my coffee. That conversation introduced me to the concept of Structured Procrastination, its pretty neat. I went to google and typed in the topic and blessed lord i was shocked to see 740,000 hits. Lots of sloths in this world i must say. If you are another corpse who struggles with duties , have hope brother, for in this fast paced world there is space for you and me !

If u have put on hold the simple task of tying Structured Procrastination on google, heck here it is ! Maja Madu.

a mistake around the corner

India are the world champions, felicitous i must say. The men in blue(this phrase has become very cliched!) are finally exonerated from the debacle against Bangladesh that happened in the caribbean islands not so long ago. The most famous email fwd floating around these days is the "Misbah's biggest mistake" one, and by floating around i mean close to 23 fwd in your inbox with the same title. Adam is said to have comitted the biggest mistake recordable,so wht's Misbah's mistake anyway? "Misbah thought he was sending the ball where there was no one, wht he didnt know was that there is a mallu in every corner of the world". Snneer!
Now ignorant faggots i have a doubt, pardon my ignorance, i thought a cricket field was Oval Shaped so how could the mallu get to the corner.! Ha ha!
But a quick google and you can see hordes of mallu's right from Washington to Wadakancherri , giving their tips on how to make good vepalla-katti to how to make addapratham with soyabean milk. I shouldn't be suprised if that Nair chai-kada is functional on moon!

c'est la vie !

I’m one year experienceed in the IT industry, doggonut , something to gloat about I must say! “Experience”, the much hyped term these days seem very abominable to me, partly cos im here for the lack of a better idea. A couple of days back ,one ennui filled afternoon ,I was immeresed in a g-conversation with a dude from college, the talk invariably turned into our hoo-hum vocation, with nothing of substance to talk, my teeny-weeny creative gland or rather the dork-shit-is-wht-i-blog gland started working overtime and that arbit chatter resulted in the character Slothy Moo. Hmm , as i write this i see Stalin's ghost looking up from above and sneering.

SlothyMoo(S&M) is a stupendous cow, like “stupendous man”. Any resemblance to Sam the anthropomorphic Dog and Max the hyperkinetic rabbity thing of Sam&Max or SadoMasochism is , well coincidental(so I believe). S&M spend four years in the farmlands of Basavangudi under the watchful eyes of a big black bull. The grass there was green and resplendent and the fellow cows around S&M were like her, grandualar freaks. All she did there was chew on some arbit shit and once every month spit the cud, in a nutshell she could say ‘life was bliss’. There were other farmlands around her which were occupied by other denizens of the green. This blissful life was shattered on one eventful day. What happened changed the course of her life forever.
There came a day when a lotta pigs descended on the grasslands, the pigs as you all know are highly intelligent creatures, with all the worlds knowledge inside their small smart-ass brain. They came in hordes from different parts of the city with lucrative-grazing offers. The braggart pigs said that after they finish their tenure in the basavangudi farmlands they would be taken to groovy farms enclosed in glass, with an AC to boast and what more they would be given extra green-notes to chew on at the end of every month. When the cows heard this they started pransing around in gay abandon but there was a glitch, they had to undergo a test. “Oh boy! What are they going to judge us on, what if we don’t pass the test!” , they quipped to one another, but the test was pretty simple, they had to cud out all the grass they chewed in the past three years. “Ahhh that’s pretty simple, no big deal” said some of the cows with thick inch glasses. So with great emanating force they puked out all the slime which was well appreciated by some of the pigs .The farmlands also sported some nice,opulent, glamorous chicks who gave new meaning to the term “bird-brain”, they didn’t care much about the pigs and their lucrative grazing offers, they walked around nonchalantly without a care in the world. Some cows decided to cross the oceans, for they blindly believed in the saying “grass is greener across the oceans”.
S&M was impressed by one such grassland and their tempting punchline “we are different”! They came singing this song :

All ya cows grazing in the farmlands,
Join us and u will not despair
The grass we offer is toothsome and not bland,
You will live a action-filled,joy-ful and truly imaginative life ,free of all dire.

Even though Sloth was her midlle name ,she did manage to impress the pigs with all her slime and thus she began her new life. The first few weeks were great fun, the cows who joined in with her were given sugar cubes to chew on. The farmlands were beautiful, wht with all the fountains and shrubs and manicured lawns and coffee beans to smell and see, but to get there the cows had to cross a mighty bridge. Little did SlothyMoo and the other cows know that all the sugar coasted grass they were fed initially would come back to bite them. Slowly the pigs turned into the king and tyrant, they started imposing absurd rules. It seemed like the pigs who ruled the grasslands were going 360, it was a perfect instance of democractic-to-communist rule.Sigh! The once, i-can-chew-when-i-wish farmland turned into a you-have-to-chew-for-9hrs one and what more they even monitored the cows and prepared an attendence bark.The cows started voicing their chafe ,but they were ignorant to the fact that a lot more was in store. SlothyMoo was in despair, “This is not coming out the way they promised!”, she cried to her fellow cows but inspite of all that they hung on and ‘that’s the way the cookie crumbles’.

P.S :( The stroy ends abruptly. The continuation is being worked on, all characters are ficitional and any resemblance to anybody living or dead is purely coincidental.)

Slacker or Striver !

If you are reading this sitting on a plush chair in an AC room and the time on ur watch is anywhere between 9AM-6PM , then you are part of the 50million odd people (yeah that figure was got from a survery) who slack away precious time in the corporate world. Today i got this funny forward "How to look busy" and boy i was laughin my head out( ahem! i had to hold back that chuckle lest ppl around me think im dangerously insane), and you guys are thinkin right, even i'm a humble comtributor to that 50million no.
Being busy at work and looking like it are two different sides of a coin, and some of the tricks of the trade to look busy are (cliches consumeth the me!) :

-->Never walk without a document in hand, those with nothing in their hands look like they going to the cafeteria.
-->Messy Desk,build huge piles of documents around your desk, only top management can get away with messy desk.
-->Look impatient and annoyed, this gives an impression that you are unde stress.
-->Send important mails at unearthly hours (i.e 2AM or 7:24AM) and public holidays.
-->Sigh ! and make sure there are lotta ppl sround you while you are doign that.
-->Apart from books put lotta thick computer manuals all around you.
-->Read a lot of computer magazies and memorise the all important jargons and use it in daily conversation.

Well apart from acting busy there is another thing in the corporate world i have to battle ,Team Meeting! Phew the sound of it makes my skin crawl. It might be useful to compare the corporate meetings of today to a Basketball game(im a great fan,Tony i loveth thee) , in which people participating are a "team" attempting to "play" a quarter in which each player "blocks" the "defenders" from scoring, which will result in everybody in the team exchanging "high-fives" and the leaders gettin a "pat-on-the-butt" which inturn results in the "managers of the team" walking happily to the bank. Hmmm, i think we can't really compare it to a basketball game but you can sure comapre it to a funeral gathering, where everybody are wearing uncomfortable clothing, with the i'd-rather-be-someplace-else look on their faces. The idea which ought to be buried is never really buried, they stagger up the coffins to slap us and eat our brains every other week.
Team meetings are held for the same reason Hanukkah is observed, for tradition and most of the meetings are held on a Monday cos , its a Monday no other special reasons! Most of my Team meetings invole a white book and a colorful pen(courtsey our company stationary) and i start the ordeal by writing down the date and underling it twice, rest of the twenty odd minutes is spent looking at the person talkin ,who most probably is your PM with enraptured interest like he is revealing the secrets of the great black universe , i also take the trouble of drawing doodles once in a while just to show that i do understand the secrets of the great black universe.
Things can get dicey if your PM looks at you and says "we need your INPUTS for blah blah blah", now this word INPUT should be enough to bolt you back to position. This is serious cos what he really means is, if i manage to fuck up then you are to be blamed. A sensible thing would be to escape by setting your dupatta on fire or picking up ur cell and declaring "bin-laden is at the other end". If none of it works you could start talking in Hebrew or Latin.

Slacking off, as i see it is not really difficult, what with all the team-meetings, coffee breaks, newspaprer breaks, "lets-go-fill-our-bottles" break and "i-just-need-a-break" break.
The next time you hear that "no, i'm busy" phrase you should be smart enough to understand that the scum is actually sitting and blogging!

screech, shiver, silent prayer !

Early morning breeze, moisture laden clouds, sun playin peekaboo, vehicles ripped off the roads.
Resplendent!
Wind ruffling on top, mind free of all thoughts, music to fill the soul.
Trance!
A wrong turn, missed signal, flashing headlights, shocked eyes, absolute darkness.
Screech!
Battered body, beaten and dented up vehicle, blood, immobile hand but farely unscathed.
Shiver!
Voices all around, curses, water coming down in sprinkles, sound of soft breathing.
Prayer!

And the thing that makes me go (y)hmm..

"wake upp..! we need to get there before the others do",sittin on my bed half asleep i could sense the urgency in her voice! I was to perform a duty thats sort of a cult for my mom and a dozen or so mallu aunty's she's accquinted with. Flies swarming all around the place, cries of sweat soaked proles trying to get the attention of buyers, and a nauseating smell, welcome to the Fish Markets of Bangalore. Being from the coastal region we strive hard to keep the Atlantic fish under check, lest they start spilling out into the fields and highways. Last week when i went with my mom for our weekly fish-purchase obligation , i was humoured by this conversation between Meen Chetan (literally translated as Fish Brother) and my mom.

Mom (eyening the prawns) :: Cheta are these prawns fresh ?
Meen Chetan :: They are first class prawns chechi.
Mom :: Are these mathhi (Sardines) fresh ??
Meen Chetan (harassed look on his face) :: All these are fresh, any fresher they would answer your questions themselves .!!

Solemn silence!

hasta luego, intimos amigos! *

"Hell-heloo".. the voice came cracking over the telephone line, it was barely audible but when i did fathom the person at the other end,Oh! boy i was overjoyed. It's been close to a month since i last saw her walk through that aisle with the tickets in her hands, walking away from me was a friend, confident and my punching bag. Endless mails and chat sessions are the only means to stay in touch but its doesn't quiet amount to the rabbiting on over the phone or in coffee shops we used to indulge in earlier. As i look back on all that has happened, growing up, growing together, how we laughed and bitched, as i look back on all those things i realise how golden those days were. The past is buried forever and the future, well its pretty bleak my end but its the memories that binds these two different world together. Pretty philosophical huh? A little secret, u don't have to be a O.V.Vijayan to sound philosophical you just need to dwell on territories that are sensitive !

Friends are discovered, friends are lost, pretty much a vicious circle , and its painful when u sit and think of life 10-20 yrs from now. How many would remain? How many you would recognize , when you bump into them on the road? Will the new ones replace the old ones? Oh boy im gettin into my once-in-a-while-sentimental moods, but it does make u think about how fragile bonds are. Few months from now my friends from office who keep me company during lunch and chai breaks will become another smiling face on yahoo messanger. I faced this after i stepped outta school and i face it now, 8 months after bidding adieu to college life. We all part with the promise of "keeping in touch" but end up cuddling in our own "busy" cocoon which drifts the frail bonds to intangible distances.
Why these incoherent thoughts now? Well a lotta ppl i know are crossing the oceans, higher studies being the perpetrator and as they leave with the promise of keeping in touch from thousands of miles away, deep down i know a seperation for 2+ years will create a long bridge that cannot be trodden easily. And another factor is marriage, as jagan asked one day "Ann you think we can talk and bitch like the way we do now after u girls get married ?" , at that time it sounded like just another jagan-statement but now it doesn't , when i hear savi's stories of how shy and handsome some of the prospective grooms she's seen are.
Change as they say is constant , its memories we need to cling onto.


*untill later,chadi-budi friends

Oh darn!

After a brief malady of blogstipation im back and what better way to start then by poking fun at people of my breed, oh i soo soo darn love this.! Even if i was half as intelligent as Mr.Sherlock Homes i would not be able to comprehend whats goes on inside a i'm-a-communist-come-kiss-my-ass walking talking mallu.

I was on my way to my second cousin's place which is a small town called Vellangazhlure, i knew how her house looked but the route from the bus stop to the house was a bit blurred. It was my maiden solo bus trip across towns and tension was running high, my cousins had warned me about butt pinching male travellers and you-are-alive-cos-of-the-loud-horns type bus drivers but nevertheless i decided to make that trip. I got off the bus and looked around, thoroughly confused i approached an old man with a long sticked umbrella near the bus stop.

Confused Traveller :: Hi i need to get to Thomana Chittilapilly Paul mashe's(teacher) house, this is the address.Can you tell me which way i should go.
Beaming old man :: Oh its just a couple of minutes walk from here. How is his nieces's sister-in-law's mother, heard she sprained her leg while climbing up the stairs.

(I was dumbstruck, i didn't even know how her sister-in-law looked, leave alone her mother. Regaining my composure i reassure him that she is doing ok, a fib.)
Confused Traveller :: Oh she doing fine. How do you know her.?
Beaming old man :: Nice to hear that,God bless her! she is actually my neighbours cousin. Your uncles kids are still in the Gulf is it ?

(I'm gasping for breath, how the hell does he know so much about my family when i didn't even know of his existence till now. I'm almost sure that he is a spy sent out by the CIA who have mistaken me for a life threatening terrorist. Ghastly images of police cars with sirens shoving a handcuffed me flash b4 my eyes, Haneef incident is still fresh u see.!)
Confused Traveller :: Ye-ye-yess still there in Kuwait.
Beaming old man :: Oh my bus has come, btw i forgot to tell you the route. Go straight, take a left near Palliparambale Johnny's house and then take a right near my brother's house. The third building from the left is the one. And also convey my regards to your uncle in Delhi.

I stood there gaping for what seemed like eternity. Not knowing who his brother is nor who Palliparambale Johnny is, i used my smart ass brain to phone my cousin who picked me up from the bus stop. Phew! It was a lesson learned, if you are lost in Kerala don't even bother asking for directions, zimmbly rely on your instincts.

Come wedding season and you are bound to meet 646 of your imediate family members in shinning, shimmering gold and gold and more gold! Apart from the ostentatious display of food, gold and sari's there is another thing that makes me wanna run for those blessed kalashnikov's, mallu aunty's! They come in hordes to check out the teeny-weeny Alapatt Jeweller's bracelet dangling from your wrist, the same one that your grandmom cajoled you into wearing cos there would be ppl around who come solely to check out gold and discuss how many pavans each one is. Now the problem doesn't stop there, if you are a graduate(engineering preferred) and 22+ then you are bound to meet Jibymon's , Shibu's and other my-son-is-an-engineer mom's who proudly declare that their son is a computer engg in Texas earning $xxx per month and with a car and a house. A typical conversation would go thus..
Menacing Mallu :: Moleeh, are you Theketala Pinto's aunt's grandchild?
Me :: Ahh,hmm, i think so.
Menacing Mallu (cheekily checking out my shoes) :: Oh i'm his sister's cousin's wife.
Me :: Oh i see. Nice to meet you.
Menacing Mallu :: How much do you earn per month?
Me (regaining ground) :: Ahh enough to survive.
Menacing Mallu :: My sister's son finished his kampyuter engg from XYZ college and earns $xxxx per month.
Me (loathing look) :: Oh that's nice.
Menacing Mallu :: My brother's son is in Australia ,he own's a car and a house and earns so much that..
Me :: Ahh yes yes aunty coming, sorry gotta go now.
So thus i move from one aunty to another listening to how much each ones kith and kin earns in different currencies. I must admit i've succumbed to temptation of marrying one of these global citizens !
Eccentric, inquisitive, barbaric and overly gabby, we mallus are strange creatures indeed. I realised that mallu's innate talent of being garrulous can be annoying and at the same time entertaining, you just have to be in the right state of mind to appreciate it.

The day the colours died..

If you are part of that ready-to-burst-at-its-seams population who regularly vist my blog then you must ve noticed the new template. A lot of my avid readers (i love to brag.!) have complained about it, they say its very difficult and yucky to read things in colour. To be honest i really liked writing things in red, green, yellow and blue but due to the overwhelming grievances of my fellow readers i have decided to stick with the serious, journalisitc , seemingly intelligent (i told you i love to brag) black and white , and if i ve to tell the truth im not liking it one bit. What is keeping me from sticking with the colours, you might ask? Well actually im scared the sitemeter which runs at a give-me-a-heavy-push-and-ill-move-an-inch pace will stop moving alltogether if i don't listen to my readers!

But wait i do have a few things to tell..
If you are a bird of passage ,who chanced upon my blog while typing some random topics on google like ..
"collie apple of my eye"
"the all seeing eye code"
"fair skinned pashtun"
"life at mysore"
"pummy in ananda"
"how to cure mallu's hand"
then all i can say is GO GET A LIFE.!
Oh boy those were some killer search words, and guys i ain't joking, go ahead and type these on google and you will find the link to my blog.! Phew! It's really crazy the ways on man.

If you are the other part of the crowd who secretly visit my blog and don't leave a comment , then all i can say is i know all about your tactics *wicked ,loathy grin*. I know how long you stay viewing the page, which part of the world you from and what time you checked my blog. Ha ha ha.! so its about time you left a comment somewhere , anywhere, i don't mind if you write it in Latin or Hebrew or Spanish( btw i know that language eh.!!) but please leave a comment, even if its nothing relevent to what i ve written its awrite.! Ok i wasn't pleading , if you dnt want to leave your mark it ain't a problem , just keep that sitemeter ticking for me awrite!

So coming back to the topic, i will be sticking to black and white henceforth(kulla/koti, do i see you guys grinning!!) , and if you are some random guy who stumbled upon this blog and have no clue what on holy earth im blabbing all i have to say is , it was nice of you to drop by!

Friends Forever

Another Friendship Day has come and gone, lot of roses were bought, lot of cards were written and forgotten friends were remembered. While i was checking my orkut profile i happened to take note of my friends count, it reads 301, a bombastic number i must say. It's deeply gratifying to know that i'm acquainted with so many friends around the world , friends with whom i played choorchand n lagori in school, friends who got drunk with me in college, friends who hammer the keyboard like me at our workplace and people i met while i roamed this earth for 20 plus years. But deep down i know , there would be very few left with whom i would discuss my blood pressure level and arthirits and brawling grandkids.
Its weird how u go from being strangers to being friendz to being more than friendz to being practically strangers again,and it all happens so fast(as told by shrihari)....


i don't quiet remember my initial baby days,
i lived a carefree life without any worries n calamities coming my way
but as i grew i realised the need for friends,
to discuss cartoons and paintings and play hop-scotch and a game of punts.
school life was a breeze, which looking back whizzed past in the blink of an eye
but the friends i made are the ones i still keep in touch and with whom i laugh and cry.
then came college and all the pressures of studies and getting into the software industry,
here i made friends with whom i haggled on topics like boyfriends, movies and themes that were sultry.
some people say school n college are the golden days that we cannot win back,
i completely agree when i think of all the things this current life of mine lacks
but i must add work is not all that bad cos of the friends i have here,
made exciting by foodcourt lunches, mafia games and BDA chaat trips that we regularly adhere

Oh boy soo many wonderful moments, so many wonderful memories,
all this because of the wonderful friends who made it all worth living !

Painful reminiscence.

It's a story that's buried deep. I heard it eons ago when i was a little kid, the incident is too unwieldy to handle and the protagonist is nestling in the abodes of a place high above. What happened on that fateful day i do not know. What were the thoughts flying through my dads mind , i do not know. Did he even in his faintest of sense think his friend breathed his last in that lacerated car sittin beside him , i do not know. Why don't i know every minute detail of this incident that changed the life of a family friend and shook the earth beneath my mom's feet? It's a topic that i have never broached, partly cos i have been told not to dwell on the past. But i would like to know what happened after the accident. Sitting in the northern part of the dark continent, a land full of unacquainted faces, nobody around for comfort and solace, close friends and family a good two oceans away, a wounded body and a dead soul, wailing girls, widowed friend, ill-equipped hospitals, natives talking a strange dialect, these things must have been irrepressible for a young married woman. How did she handle it ? Didn't she even once succumb to all the turmoil around her, i wish to ask all this to my mom but as she says, its better not to dwell on the past !
It was the phone call last rainy saturday that resurrected the story, but again the details were not anything more than what i've heard before. It's been 25 years since the accident but i saw my mom's eyes swell up right after she heard who was at the other end of the phone line. Uncle's daughter is gettin married, it is indeed a joyous occasion for them and my parents, who helped them bury the past and build up their life one piece at a time.

What scares me is , i wouldn't have been alive if the impact was more severe. I would have been a speck in the twinkling sky, unknown of the perils and felicity back down, oblivious of the wonderful family and friends . Such is the enigma of life.

Mole your way into geezerhood

Ever wondered wht it would be like to eat all those high cholesterol artery clogging food three times a day, or wht it would feel like to drive on an open road at 300kmph , or jump off a cliff into the blue vastness of the pacific ?? Ahhh, now don't sit and think of some super duper philosophical answers, plain simple you would DIE, not of some over-the-top accomplishment but of stupidity !! But have you ever wondered what it would feel like (i swear this is the last "ever wonder" question ill be asking!) to live well into your hundreds so that you could do all the above and not care about death and its inevitability, live to see the four seasons over and over again , see those candles on your cake increase into inconceivable numbers , see the cheekieness of your kids,grand-kids, great grand-kids and every other generation , see those wrinkles on your face turn into gorges , see your teeth fall out, oh boy there is a lot you can see and do if you live well into your hundreds. I'm preparing my list of things-to-do in my late nineties cos of this article . Yay yay yay..!

The reason for my longevity sits very conspicuously on my chin, one of the reasons people rarely forget my face. Right from my diapers days annoying aunts and uncles would pinch my cheeks and exclaim "moleeehh!" ,was it because of that big black mole or cos thts the way ppl address a mallu girl i wouldn't know ,but what i do know is that the name has stuck to me like a leech and it pisses me off hollow! Am i complaining? Hell NO! I'm actually damn proud of it but trimming the hair sprouting out of it every week is a pain !

Growing up i have faced a lotta carks thanks to the pigmented growth on my face.
Long time back (school times) we were to perform in a dance competition which required us to be dressed in rajasthani outfits. Now apart from the ghagharas(that spelling looks scarily wrong ) , bangles at insane places like armpits and black jewellery, rajasthani gals adorn their faces with three dots shaped like a triangle on their chin and at the corner of their eyebrows, ahh i know u guys didn't know that. So after the final round of mascara and lipstick we went about the task of dotting each others face with triangles and when it was my turn, lo and behold, only two dots were required cos of my mole. Now there is nothing funny or awe-inspiring in this but the memory is still crystal clear and back then it was one mega tickling joke (innocent humour u see).

Incident #2 :: This happened when i went for my learner's licence. Splittle covered walls, roughshod bureaucrats and agents stopping you at every turn was enough to scare two 16year olds, to tell the truth we were shittin in our pants. After filling up the application form my friend and i went to the RTO inspector to submit the forms. He gave out a deep sigh and exclaimed..

Inspector :: "Eanne madam, identification coloumn yakkae blankuu" (Madam why is the identification column blank??)

Me (muttering something under my breath, kannada no good back then) :: "Ahh,hmm !"
Inspector(lookin up with a i'll-smidge-you-down look ,and then eyeing the mole on my chin) :: "Ahh ok ok parvagilla biddu"

I turn around to see my friend vehemently tryin to prove that the small speck on her left arm is indeed a birth mark. Moments of glory u see..!
So while you guys try to sock up all you can in your limited time here on earth, ill be tuckin in on that extra cheesey burger with fries + cheese dip and thick shake . Oh boy im salivating now !

Slam Dunk and Oh boy how we Sunk !

Ok,ok we lost the basketball finals and by a big margin to haunt the already bruised ego, so to all my friends who are scoffing at me i give you a moments time to laugh your heart out, place that "L" on your forhead and say the most heard duologue, "i told u so!!". Ahh haa it's a pity u can't see the finger im holding !!

I started this wondrous game back in 7th. Skipping ropes and Frisbies were stacked away in the closet after we picked up that Basketball, looking back the first few years were the most hilarious. We didn't know jack about basketball but we would diligently play this game every day. Twenty feet would go scurrying in the direction of the ball ,the cornered girl out of delirium would toss the ball high in the air to the other corner which would sent all of us running in the opposite direction , and so we would go back-n-forth the court. "Oh! the ball had to be put in the basket is it"? That question was asked a year later. Bloop! Picked up the game thanks to a few helpful guys in class who taught us the very basics like,"you cannot run with the ball holding it up high in the air, you need to dribble it". Armed with this knowledge and a few cool phrases like fast-break , convert and pivot i stepped into college.If i could sum up my whole Engg story in one word it would be Basketball. I didn't play any super-dooper game but it was just soo soo cool hanging around in the Basketball court, all those elusive lanky guys with amazing height , loose shorts that went well past their knees and expensive shoes were clearly the cynosure of all eyes. So i spent my 4 yrs doing lay-ups and tryin some cheap scale shots and playing tournaments.I had kissed this game good bye after i entered the corporate world but the magic of it was revived on Saturday. It was like unearthing those emotions stacked away in some safe corner. Oh boy, the emotions of bygone college days are threatening to emanate. *sniff,sniff*

The mails started pouring in a week before the tournament, thanks to our official Basketball Club spammer Mr.Visakan ,but it did fortify our spirits to put up our best and spread the word around. It turned out to be a sure-fire strategy cos on the day of the tournament we had three teams complete with a good set of subs. Belts and polished shoes made way for shorts and jerseys. Saturday ,it was a glorious morning , threatening clouds and a chill early morning breeze set the stage for what happened to be one super-dooper day. People started pouring in at 6:30AM, eyes clearly showing a dirsupted sleep but heart skipping with great enthusiasm.

The three teams were , First Punch , Slam Dunkers and Trail Blazers, all with a right mix of pro's and amateurs. White Blue and Grey colours on court , players two foot taller and wider than me , and no female species around except for moiself and Pallavi. The first match was between my Team(TB) and First Punch. The whistle was blown and thus started the game. We got thrashed left,right and centre but not before putting up a gutsy fight, courtsey Jason and Paddy clearly the two awe-inspiring players in our team. We had to soothe ourselves with the reality that First Punch had some remarkable players. Vijay's gravity defying moves and baskets were a delight to watch. Hail thee dudeh!
We went on to win the second match against Slam Dunkers. Good defense and aggressive press in the final quarter coupled with rebounds saw us through. Yoo hoo.! We stormed into the finals thanks to a snug strategy adopted by First Punch who defeated Slam Dunkers in what was a blink-your-eye-and-u'll-miss-out-on-action game.
FINALS :: Trail Blazers v/s First Punch
Playing under floodlights was one experience, loosing miserably was another. A one sided match right from the first quarter. I choose to believe that the stars were not on our side. If you asking waht the score was, i would say "ahh..hmm, was that a squirrel or a mongoose on that tree!!"

Playin after 8 months was a real challenge , i was puffing and panting right from the start but the experience was exhilarating, something that will be etched in my memory for a long time. It was all possible thanks to the unceasing exuberance of our BBall members. Tight-D , watch-your-man , convert da, drive-in ,these words are still resonating in my ears. We packed our bags and left the court recounting every moment and talking about the aching back and legs to feel good about the following day.

Me, Myself and I-Self..yeah baby I ride high of ego !

What do u do on a completely othala (jobless) day? If u are me u go ahead and attend a "touch ur soul" session that turned out to be one big ho-hum event right from the word "touch" ! Sigh! Somewhere in the middle(dnt know which point,sleep took over) the sermonizer in a roaring voice asked " Who are you, can u describe yourself?", swearing under my breath for disturbing my blissful sleep i sat upright and wondered how these preachers manage to lull you to sleep with their sweet voice and at the same time bolt u back into position with their deafening roar.

If you asked the above question to a twenty something dumb-wit , he would ve replied in the obvious, "software engg" but when you are sitting with a group of 40 something ppl in their ties and floral print skirts(man can't believe this fashion blooper hasn't yet met the Dodo fate!) you get typical Deepak Chopra type answers , "im the eternal soul immortalised in a body crafted by God", Oh f#%^! Who reads Deepak Chopra these days ?


But this question got me thinking, what are the qualities that make me,ME! It sure is difficult to put all your habits,fears and dreams in a white blog space. *introspection*
So here are the different facets that make up my multifaceted life and i choose to believe tht mine is like a rainbow, a mix of bright and subtle hues!


* I love to sit and procrastinate , if it hadn't been for this trait i would ve opened my own bakery,written a book, learnt spanish, played drums for a rock band, travelled the world (ok i dnt ve the dough for that but hey! no harm in planning right!), thrown out all those decade old notebooks i ve stacked away in cardboard boxes, learnt tennis, dipped my fingers in dramaturgy, dipped the fingers of my other hand in teaching(nursery kids) n the likes but alas! im spending by days doing the obvious !

* I always dream of being somebody else, aaahh common all of us do that! Like the time u meet a very enterprising and articulate person who can play the guitar, dunk, and who has the intelligence to compliment it all . If a mirror was placed in front of you at that moment, you would ve seen your face go all green with envy. There ve been days i ve wanted to be like my friends, friends who know wht their future looks like, friends who are talented, friends who walk around with great oomph. These thoughts last only for a fleeting moment but its perennial !

* I live with a perpetual fear of losing my family and loved ones. I'd rather under a tombstone before anyone of them.

* I can watch SouthPark for 24hrs without feeling sick and pukeish, btw this trait takes the top most position in my Mr.Perfects repertoire (hmm,wonder where he is!).

* I cannot end my week without having a conversation with Buffalo(some ppl call her Swetha) and Savi,school pals i ve known for almost 15 yrs. Also on that list is my punching bag aka Mich, and Jagan,the only guy who can get away with callin me a bitch.

* My parents are not the cool types. They don't pat by back and say things like "Huh,you could gulp down only 2 glasses of vodka? u need to better tht count!" or "Moleee, its only 11PM, i wasn't expecting u before 3AM" or "what,u don't ve a boyfriend!! , leela aunty's daughter manages 5 boyfriends!"..

* I make friends very very easily,i always got along well with the different groups in school and college :: manicure-pedicure-nailpolish group, academic-books-are-my-life group, northie group, i-live-for-sports group, southie group, just about anybody!

* My greatest friend and biggest supporter was, is and will always be my mom. One person who knows all my friends from school, college and office, knows my taste in clothes ,food, music ,books , sports and just about anything. Her wittiness is just inexplicable i say, my sis comes a close second! But with my dad things are different, most of the time its limited conversation.

* I cannot survive a trip to the bathroom without a novel, magazine, newspaper, pamphlet, comics, anything with written material on it! Talk of productivity!

* I cannot for the life of me say NO!
"hey ann my dog just pooped on ur porch,can u clean it for me??"
"Ahh, pooped is it !,ahh..,sure why not i'm looking forward to that exercise!"

"hey can you throw my trash,i need to get to the parlour for my head massage??"
"Oh why not, I'll do that while u enjoy ur massage!"
it is just so so difficult to say that two letter word, bet lot of you battle with this same problem!"

* I love love love to cook,thoran,sambar,avial, biscuits, cake, casseroles, pudding, lasagne, salads... vegetables or meat that can be steamed, tossed, baked and fried has faced the heat under my eyes! and also i love love love to eat ,so there it is :: a perfectoo balanceoo!

* I'm not a movie freak ,as in I cant remember the last time i sat in an AC room and watched something on that big screen but i do make it a point to watch a malayalm picture (prefer the ones from the 80's or early 90's) every sunday on asianet or kairali or surya.

* I'm a neatness freak, my books,clothes,sports equipments,pens n pencils et al can be found in the same place anytime of year and i hate it when ppl(Sis/Mom) borrow my nail-cutter and forget to place it back at the correct place.

* I don't like washing my jeans(hmm..it contradicts the above statement!). I zimmbblly hate the feel of washed jeans or corduroy, they don't hug u at the right places! I believe that jeans catch pneumonia when they come in contact wit water! bloop!

* I'm a great fan of sports, love flexing my limbs with a racquet, ball(all types!) or just abt any sports equipment. Running, Long jump, Kho-Kho, Kabbadi , Shot-put, BasketBall, Swimming , Tennis , Badminton, Football, Cricket and off late Throwball, i ve played it all.

* I'm zapped and completely clueless when i meet someone and the first thing outta their mouth is "wassup!" or "howz life!", they are the most cliched, meaningless ,emotionless conversational gambit !

* I'm a great fan of gospel music and can hum gospel songs 24/7 . I've still not given up my desire to read the bible from cover to cover but the closest i ve got is completing Genesis. I must add i don't quiet believe in the sayings of priest and nuns, while has resulted in furious battles with my nun-aunts and priest-uncles in kerala!

* I' ve a pathetic hadwriting and feel proud of it too. It is soo pathetic that once my math teacher told me "Ann! wht is it u ve written here,i can't figure out if its a cos or a sin .!" this happened 7 yrs back n i still havnt done anything about it, procrastination at its best !

* I'm a walkaholic,i walk to the library,walk to the supermarket, walk back home form office , walk to the mall , walk to brigade roads , get the swing! If its walkable i will be covering it by foot!

* I'm not really a sensitive person. Bear hugs,wet hanki, cooche-coo talks are not my forte! I find it very diffciult to acknowledge a compliment or something thoughtful in an appropriate way.

* I'm a big big attention seeker. I firmly believe in the saying "no of ppl watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action", laughing out loud, jumping around , getting alll excited around ppl, or doing some obnoxiously stupid thing, i indulge in these cheap scale antics ! :)

* I suck in the art of flirting. Damn!!All those crushes i had in college died with time. I feel mortified to say taht i lived a solitary life all these years and age does not permit me to indulge in this teen-fantasy now! Sigh!

* I still walk around with a belief in love at first sight! Shucks,its about time i looked at love in a more realistic way!

* I'm not ashamed of baring out my habbits, good or bad :)"i dont love myself, im crazy about myself"

GO ahead prepare your list, start introspecting and you'll see how difficult it is!

Looking Forward 24

It all seems surreal now,like a sweet memory from a distant past,but the beauty of it all still nestles me. Face smothered with cake,roomful of people with eyes clearly showing a disrupted sleep, b'day jingles resonating with thunderous laughter, Oh boy growing old isn't so bad after all!

The monotonic tune started its hum late in the night, since im not really a nocturnal creature waking up at 12AM was a real chafe. B'day wishes followed by conversation i couldn't really comprehend kicked off what happened to be one super-dooper day. Phew! The tune that started as a hum went into full throttle by early morn , so much so i was dreading gettin my brains fried by all those strange radio waves.
Yummy Pancakes and FruitSalad for breakfast(courtesy::Sis) and a big fat cheque (coutesy::Dad) , i was expecting this cos my sis knows i like pancakes(extra-crispy) for breakfast and my dad was just upholding the tradition that he started a decade back,its true when they say men and shopping stand at two ends of the totempole!
The real suprise was shadowing me thru all this, something that left me numb,something that brought a tiny tear(moi not the sensitive types thats why tiny!) , something that ill treasure for a long time.

*puttin on the poet's cap*

they came on bikes with a cake to surprise,
and when they stepped into my house,oh boy i was stupefied!

endless mails must be ve gone back and forth,
i know this cos i ve done it too before.

a suprise early in the mornin was something i wasn't expecting,
cos it was a saturday and they are the types who don't like to cut short their snoring!

they were all there,my othala gang
but the leader,Mr.Othala was missing cos he was nursing a jaw hang!

b'day song was sung and the cake was cut,
deep down i was cursing that extra candle abut!

i couldn't cut the cake cos my hands were shivering,
excitement,shock and happiness ,Oh boy my legs were really trembling.

then followed the tradition of stifling face with cake,
i didn't complain cos i knew wht a food facial chocolate would make!

but all this came with a big big price,
later in the evening i had to scrub and vaccum the carpet to make it clean and nice!

i don't know how to thank you all for the wonderful b'day gift,
it will surely remain with me for long and not go adrift!

boy i suck at poetry, but othala gang a big thank u(its coming straight from my heart) ,one of the beshhtesstt suprises ever! this was the highlight of my day and it distinctly overshadowed the rest of my evening!

Seek!

Her eyes wanders around the place, the sea of shocking red is in stark contrast to the pale green of the lawn around ,she hears the familiar sound of knives and spoons clinking against plates,she sees people walking around with their meals in deep assiduousness, but these sights and sounds are like mute nothings. Her eyes continues to search, for that one single anticipated glimpse,she knows not what she is looking for but she subconsciously knows what her eyes seek.The light that she had hungered for once is now reduced to a subdued blur.

She asks herself "what is it I seek"? Love,intimacy,companionship,there was never a dearth of it. While her friends rolled in hay she walked around,a solitary speck in the sky. She pursued her own path, undeterred.
She asks herself "why is it i fear?" Confident,articulate,garrulous, she was like a chill-champagne,but when the moment arouse she fought for words,she felt her toungue clinch.

Hiding behind these questions she continues on her path.And then the moment befalls.! Walking tall with a crop of frizz ,this she was inconceivable to miss. The smile on her face erupts back wiping away the mazed look in her eyes.Her heart skips a beat,her legs shudders and a sense of fervor envelopes her.She knows it will last only for a short time but the magic of it all mesmerises her.
Silent parting!
She waits with anticipation for the moment to come again....

"you can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see,but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel"

sojourn in the paradise of palaces!

"the whole object of travel is not to set foot on a foreign land ,it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land."

Having spent the better part of my life in Karnataka, i feel mortified to say that i have never explored Mysore,so it did seem like a foreign land when we stepped out of the railway station and got a whiff of the City of Palaces. Now before u guys put attack on my tepidness i have to admit that i HAVE seen the mysore palace(with n without lights!) and the zoo and the Brindhavan gardens and the KRS dam a zillion times. These places were more like a stop over on our long journeys to Kerala and also the preferred place to go when relatives landed for a visit,we do ve a dearth of decent places to see in Bangalore,oh did someone say MG Road,Brigade Road,CMH Road and the plethora of malls that ve come up in every corner! Shucks!

June 23, it was a glorious morning when we landed there,the sky a white tent cut out with wisps of grey clouds. The air was fresh after the early morning showers and the trees a resplendent green. Where the nature's green unfolds!
Beautiful !, oh boy i kept reiterating that word every nanaosecond till my friends threatened me with dire consequences. *chup* !
After a sumptuous breakfast at adigae manae we boarded the bus to Chamundi Hills (20 bucks bus pass rocks i say!). Our travel around Mysore was the most economical till date, to start wit Buffalo(some ppl call her swetha!) and I boarded the train with just one ticket *bloop*,now this is interesting cos we were told by some screwball that the train tickets cost only 25 bucks ,so i very happily went to the Ticket counter with 50 bucks and told the guy two tickets to Mysore.Our pal heard it wrong and handed back 6 bucks and a ticket with 44 bucks stamped on it. Very very happy with the drop in prices (we assumed it was 22 per head) and thanking Lalooji we boarded the train. After reaching Mysore we get to know our wrong doing (Savi gave us a mouthful for our kantri budhi!).

The trip to Chamundi Hills was zzimbbly amazing. White clouds hovering the hill top, sea of green on either side, and a chill early morning breeze. After the darshan we boarded the bus to Devraj Urs road(supposedly a very hip-n-happening place). We got to see the real mysore just staring outside the window. Laidback people,nicely tarred roads, buildings that look like palaces in every third corner(even the hospitals are build in that fashion!), easy moving traffic, and all this admist greenery. It was 2PM by the time we covered the entire stretch of Urs road(up and down,on foot mind u!). Next Pit Stop :: Infy Campus. Oh boy,i rubbed my eyes in disbelief.! Are we still in India ? Not really the concret jungle i had expected. Manicured lawns, open wide roads, nicely maintained shrubs, glistening buildings , well stocked Recreational rooms (20 TT tables,insane or what!) and hoardes of ppl walking around with tags,it was sadistic to know that ppl actually worked on Saturdays. NRN hail thee..!
We started our trip abck to Bangalore at 6:30, with the correct number of tickets off course.! Chatting away to glory and munching away the madhur vadas we returned back to Bangalore and its choc-a-block traffic, fast paced life and the clogged drains (monsoons are hittin us hard this year!).

wht was tht again..err..on the bench i mean! *slap*

Droning lecturers and repetitious information, sitting through a Engineering lecture was a pain in the well..hmm..wrong place off course..! Even a serious attempt to concentrate in a subject as interesting as Microelectronics often resulted in my mind wandering off after the first nanosecond . A fun thing i used to do to kill time was write with my non-dominant hand in books,and to tell the truth i've got quite a lotta practice writing with my left hand in those 4 yrs.! If you happen to walk into a really exciting and thought provoking lecture like Chapter 5 of Microwave Communication you will find 10 per cent(those gugu geeky types) taking down notes, 50 per cent blissfully passed out and the rest 40 per cent doodling dutifully on benches and notebooks.!A sight to watch indeed.!

While writing this post i was reminded of my first few days in college and how i would walk around the classroom reading all the doodles on benches.Frustration,creativity,proclamation of love,they were all masterfully crafted on wood by seniors for the subsequent batches to read, and yeah every batch which passed out of a class left behind their mark. I'm sure somebody must be reading my left-hand scribbling right now. This timepass activity can take different forms like..

*personalized ones :: These are done by people who are very serious about the sayin "leave your mark". You don't ve to strain ur eyes to read it cos its there as a bold big carving "rahul sat here" . The not so egoistic ones scribble things like "viking-vikram" or "ravishing-raveena",colorful adjectives i say!Shucks! did somebody say whts in a name??

*romeo juliet ones :: ahhhaa.! this is done by ppl who believe in the sayin "don't let love interfere with crappy lectures"(well its not really a saying,i just made it up!) ,look closely(some ppl believe in maintaining anonymity) and you will spot small hearts with "chinnu loves chinna" or "rahul loves preeti and yes there will be an arrow cuttin throught all this which make reading it all the more difficult.


*aspirational ones :: Now every class will have dude's who aspire to get that magical 15 in internals or 35 in externals by just farting around,so before exams these screwballs take the time n effort to scribble the 150 page lesson on a 20 inch space.So you have all the important derivation,circuit diagrams and definitons neatly written down for further reference. I will be lying if i said i didnt indulge in this crime.!


*caricatures :: this is the part i liked.! academic deities depicted as constipated langoor(that's how most of the professors looked!).. boy some of the caricatures were just outta this world types! If lady luck is not by your side n the lecturer catches u drawing his caustic face u are done for ( i flunked in one my internals cos of this!)


*arbit art :: cars,beer bottles,dragons,nike(this was the most ubiquitous one,every third bench had it),adidas,jet planes,ninjas.. hmm.. knifes,nuts n bolts..*memory fading*, geometrical shapes,space ships etc etc etc..!

Some people found pleasure in this simple art form while some others found pleasure in bailing outta class.(i took pleasure in the latter,art has never been my forte!).

stride,stride,stride ....

Fatigue, hunger,thirst, and an agonizing headache to complete it all. She was physically drained , but mentally intoxicated when she stepped into her room. The fading sun,the sky hued to a braight orange shade, the chirping birds soaring high and the green leaves ruffling in the gentle breeze. She took it all in as she stared out the window. The cold water was like a soothing balm to her battered body. From a distance she could hear her mom calling ,but she kept staring out the window. She never reached home from work before 8PM.Tht's one thing she missed after joining a software company,seeing the setting sun.The sights from her window baffled her,she couldn't remember the last time she saw the evening sky,how beautiful it looks. The ten inch cubicle in which she was confined from 9-6 stole this luxury from her. The chirrups from high above sounded like music,how melodious it sounds. The gentle breeze dried up the beads of perspiration on her forehead,how unlaxing it felt. She felt alive and in a way child like. She took it all in cos she knew these moments don't come by very often. She felt alive after that long walk back home.

Trance !


When she mooted this idea to her friends they laughed it off, it was crazy they said! Undeterred she decided to take the plunge, the task was a herculean one , she knew that but the magnanimity of it did not discourage her. She was ready for it!
The company cab ferried her from Mysore Road to Banashankari and from there she started her long journey back home by foot. The afternoon sun was beating down hard which made the walk even more horrendous. Exhausted and tired after the first 6KM, she felt her body crumbling under her feet. Pheidippides!, she recollected how he had run 40 Km from Marathon to Athens to announce that Persians had been defeated in the Battle of Marathon. She drew inspiration from his great feat and continued. She had covered this very route for the past 8 months, but watching the sights from a speeding company cab was not as joyous as seeing it all ,taking it all in while walkin on the footpaths. She stopped by to appreciate the big huge trees lining the streets,she wondered why they hadn't fallen under the axe of BMP. She saw kids running back home from school holding each others hands. She saw street venors selling toothapuri mangoes and ice lollies. She saw small kids playing hop-scotch and hide-n-seek on the galli's. These simple sights baffled her, she couldn't remember the last time she saw them,memories of childhood resurfaced. Sitting in a closed environment from morning till evening had bogged her down. She remembered what Jimi Hendrix had once said "I was living in a room full of mirrors and all i could see was me,then i broke one of them and there it was,the WORLD for me to see".

She missed waking up and feeling the early morning sun on her face,she missed the feel of monsoon rains on her skin,she missed the sights and sounds of bustling markets ,she missed it all. With these thoughts she walked and walked and walked , before she knew it she had reached home. She covered the entire stretch from Banashankari to Koromangala by foot. Rejuvinated,thats how she felt!

(i know its a crazy thing to do,walking from one corner of bangalore to another corner,but you guys should try it! if not everyweek atleast once a month. there's lot more u see and hear when u walk then when u whizz past on a bike!)

postcard from the 80's

somebody once said "souvenirs are perishable,fortunately memories are not" , so true!
its amazing how little things from your childhood ,that's long forgotten and etched in some safe corner of ur brain can bring back a flood of memories and emotions.. i'm typing this while humming the ever popular song of yesteryears "mile sur mera tumhara".Wish i was in possession of a Time Machine, damn!

remember those pre-satellite TV days?Doordarshan with its rotating logo? colorful concentric circles wit a tin-tin-tinna tune dissevering amul, nirma washing powder, lifebuoy,hamara bajaj Ads? if you are saying Doordarshan wht, then u must ve spent the first 15 years of your life on a remote island off Hona-lulu.!
those images were dusted today afternoon during lunch at our FoodCourt, the characters that emerged were surreal yet life-like and eons ago they managed to capture our tender imagination and for me they still do.
*wiping that single tear from the corner of my eye*

Sensational Songs ::
the one song that lifts me up,"mile sur mera tumhara",National Integration at its best. highlighting the different linguistic communities, it features people from all walks of life singing in their native language..Oh boy, words evade me.! "when ur tune meets my tune it becomes our tune" , ok that wasn't a ripe translation. I don't remember much of the video but i do remember Prakash Padukone running with the National Games torch , the Calcutta Metro,Dr.Balamuralikrishnan singing by the beach and Kamal Hassan. The song fades with the final hymm of our National Anthem.Thanks to cable TV ,the song melted into oblivion.!
another song that captured our national pride was "bajesargam".. this song also had multi-linguial hymms but don't quiet remember the video or much of the song.!

TeleSerials ::
top spot would go to "malgudi days" ,do i hear u guys sing "tanana tana na" .Rural charm,ordinary and eccentric characters, small town ,village library and postoffice,normal people living a middle class life, Swami and his antics. India calling!
another equally captivating serial was "vikram aur beetal"..back then it was the most scariest thing after PT teachers,but if we were to watch the same thing now it would be one big hilarious viewing.
in the 90's we got our share of household drama in "shanti" and "swabhiman".. Good lord sometimes i wonder wht happened to that sari-clad ,hair tied up in a bun,bedecked in black jewellery and big-bindi Shanti.! phew.!
during vacations Doordarshan used to air a science program called "UGEC Science Program", i don't remeber much of it but i do remeber the "News for the hearing impaired" that was aired inbetween that show. Rings a bell??
come sundays and we would ve our dose of "ek aur anake" ,"mowgli", "potli baba ki", "ek do theen char" and "ramayana and mahabharat".. be it the jungle boy raised by wolves with the help of Babloo the bear and Bhagheera the panther or the colored carboard animation of a girl and her brother learning numbers by looking at jumping squirrels and birds or the old baba in ragged clothes or the valorousness of mythical characters with bow and arrow trotting away on chariots , they evoke some long cherished memories.!

Amazing Ad's ::
ok picture this, a quintessential indian family, father riding a two-wheeler and sari-clad mother sitting behind him sideways , the elder one sandwitched between the two and the younger one sittin in front wit his hair ruffling with the wind, get the Ad im talking about.? No ? ok one more shot.. a young man(proud of his two-wheeler) blows on the emblem and rubs it sparkling clean with a towel ,background musical score "bhulanda bharat ki bhulanda thasveer".. one of my favourite Ads - Bajaj Ad.! i even like the "nirma" one, with that cute little kid in a swirling white frock. also on that list is the "i'm a rasna girl" and the "utterly-butterly delicious Amul " one!

sigh! bygone wonderful days.
its all a memory now,tempered by time and life goes on with these memories......

are u carrying your Style Statement ??

"we are trendy we can't even escape ourselves" ~ Kurt Cobain
Disclaimer :: in this blog u'll find lotta interesting quotes,it has been plagiarised.Kurt Cobain is so darn good with quotes n i've used his without any inhibition. [:)]
*freeze*

in conversation with a friends sister, Miss Cool Chic (MCC) ,who just jumped from school and landed in the abodes of one the many Catholic colleges in Bengaluru.

Me :: "Hey,howz it going? Enjoyin the new environs?"
MCC (flicking the loose hair on her forehead) :: "Cool maan, i mean the place is awsoome maan,i mean..."
Me (horror-stricken at this incarnation) :: "Nice to hear u having a swell time. You seem to ve
undergone a make over and girl, whats with the accent??"

(i was greedily checking out this 16th something "girl", trendy clothes, voguish hairdo that would ve easily costed her 800 bucks and a american(or was it british!) accent to complement it all.! )

MCC (again flicking the lose hair on her forehead) :: "yeah man,i mean these tops are the in-thing now, i mean everybody sporting it ,i mean.! "

i stood gaping.."wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are" ..Oh wait i ve one more "The worst crime is faking it"

her excitement was palpable and teens these days ve sure grown out of high-rise jeans and stitched shirts. i thought back on my first few months in college,boy i was bowled over by the cool factor so much so that i would try all the tricks in the book just to fit in..! it was about creating a new identity rather than holding on to ur own. Moments of fame are truly short-lived i must say ,slowly i slipped into my normal self : T's+Track pants ,but Hey! it did feel good walking around without a mask.!

i would clock a miserable score in the cool-o-meter of these new age teens . " i'd rather be hated for whom i'm than be loved for who i'm not "
*i dont wait for weekends so i can check out the new pub down brigade road.
*i'm a self proclaimed riceaholic and these days u'd rather drop dead then say "where is my rice+sambar.!!"
*i dont own the latest gizmos in town,my 5 year old cell would ve slapped me tight if God-Lord resurrected it.
*i swear by my battered scooty to move from point A to B, and the torn seat doesn't stymie me down, really.
*i still believe in the comfort of my T's and Tracks but god dammit i work in a software company. my wardrobe has a deep aversion to anythin voguish.
*i love to cook but girls these days take great pride in extolling tht they find it difficult to boil even eggs.
*i don't speak polished yenglish..idiomatic expressions like "macha","da","maga" are uttered after every three pauses.! but its stylish when u replace those with "dude" ,"fuck","shit" (ok sometimes i succumb to the cool factor n use it, so dnt pounce!)

cool is definitely a splendid thing to be these blistering days of summer. 4 yrs of college n meeting some truly exceptional ppl i realised you need to be Cool where it really matters,on the inside. So who are the cool dude's anyway ?? Its hard to define but can be spotted. They walk nonchalantly down corridors during internals while the rest of us fret and sunder about that all important derivation and suprisingly they click top honours, they finish BE and then follow unconventional routes to become a chef or a journalist, when exam fever strikes u can spot them catching up on the latest best-seller or watching the latest block-buster , when the rest of the world goes ga-ga over capris they walk around in peasant skirts , they consider themselves bigger than brand like Levi's and Nike... they are the ones who just don't succumb to anything.! hopefully young ones these days will emulate these cool dude's and not the likes of Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan.! so,how cool are you?

"Rather be dead than be cool"..