Painful reminiscence.

It's a story that's buried deep. I heard it eons ago when i was a little kid, the incident is too unwieldy to handle and the protagonist is nestling in the abodes of a place high above. What happened on that fateful day i do not know. What were the thoughts flying through my dads mind , i do not know. Did he even in his faintest of sense think his friend breathed his last in that lacerated car sittin beside him , i do not know. Why don't i know every minute detail of this incident that changed the life of a family friend and shook the earth beneath my mom's feet? It's a topic that i have never broached, partly cos i have been told not to dwell on the past. But i would like to know what happened after the accident. Sitting in the northern part of the dark continent, a land full of unacquainted faces, nobody around for comfort and solace, close friends and family a good two oceans away, a wounded body and a dead soul, wailing girls, widowed friend, ill-equipped hospitals, natives talking a strange dialect, these things must have been irrepressible for a young married woman. How did she handle it ? Didn't she even once succumb to all the turmoil around her, i wish to ask all this to my mom but as she says, its better not to dwell on the past !
It was the phone call last rainy saturday that resurrected the story, but again the details were not anything more than what i've heard before. It's been 25 years since the accident but i saw my mom's eyes swell up right after she heard who was at the other end of the phone line. Uncle's daughter is gettin married, it is indeed a joyous occasion for them and my parents, who helped them bury the past and build up their life one piece at a time.

What scares me is , i wouldn't have been alive if the impact was more severe. I would have been a speck in the twinkling sky, unknown of the perils and felicity back down, oblivious of the wonderful family and friends . Such is the enigma of life.

Mole your way into geezerhood

Ever wondered wht it would be like to eat all those high cholesterol artery clogging food three times a day, or wht it would feel like to drive on an open road at 300kmph , or jump off a cliff into the blue vastness of the pacific ?? Ahhh, now don't sit and think of some super duper philosophical answers, plain simple you would DIE, not of some over-the-top accomplishment but of stupidity !! But have you ever wondered what it would feel like (i swear this is the last "ever wonder" question ill be asking!) to live well into your hundreds so that you could do all the above and not care about death and its inevitability, live to see the four seasons over and over again , see those candles on your cake increase into inconceivable numbers , see the cheekieness of your kids,grand-kids, great grand-kids and every other generation , see those wrinkles on your face turn into gorges , see your teeth fall out, oh boy there is a lot you can see and do if you live well into your hundreds. I'm preparing my list of things-to-do in my late nineties cos of this article . Yay yay yay..!

The reason for my longevity sits very conspicuously on my chin, one of the reasons people rarely forget my face. Right from my diapers days annoying aunts and uncles would pinch my cheeks and exclaim "moleeehh!" ,was it because of that big black mole or cos thts the way ppl address a mallu girl i wouldn't know ,but what i do know is that the name has stuck to me like a leech and it pisses me off hollow! Am i complaining? Hell NO! I'm actually damn proud of it but trimming the hair sprouting out of it every week is a pain !

Growing up i have faced a lotta carks thanks to the pigmented growth on my face.
Long time back (school times) we were to perform in a dance competition which required us to be dressed in rajasthani outfits. Now apart from the ghagharas(that spelling looks scarily wrong ) , bangles at insane places like armpits and black jewellery, rajasthani gals adorn their faces with three dots shaped like a triangle on their chin and at the corner of their eyebrows, ahh i know u guys didn't know that. So after the final round of mascara and lipstick we went about the task of dotting each others face with triangles and when it was my turn, lo and behold, only two dots were required cos of my mole. Now there is nothing funny or awe-inspiring in this but the memory is still crystal clear and back then it was one mega tickling joke (innocent humour u see).

Incident #2 :: This happened when i went for my learner's licence. Splittle covered walls, roughshod bureaucrats and agents stopping you at every turn was enough to scare two 16year olds, to tell the truth we were shittin in our pants. After filling up the application form my friend and i went to the RTO inspector to submit the forms. He gave out a deep sigh and exclaimed..

Inspector :: "Eanne madam, identification coloumn yakkae blankuu" (Madam why is the identification column blank??)

Me (muttering something under my breath, kannada no good back then) :: "Ahh,hmm !"
Inspector(lookin up with a i'll-smidge-you-down look ,and then eyeing the mole on my chin) :: "Ahh ok ok parvagilla biddu"

I turn around to see my friend vehemently tryin to prove that the small speck on her left arm is indeed a birth mark. Moments of glory u see..!
So while you guys try to sock up all you can in your limited time here on earth, ill be tuckin in on that extra cheesey burger with fries + cheese dip and thick shake . Oh boy im salivating now !

Slam Dunk and Oh boy how we Sunk !

Ok,ok we lost the basketball finals and by a big margin to haunt the already bruised ego, so to all my friends who are scoffing at me i give you a moments time to laugh your heart out, place that "L" on your forhead and say the most heard duologue, "i told u so!!". Ahh haa it's a pity u can't see the finger im holding !!

I started this wondrous game back in 7th. Skipping ropes and Frisbies were stacked away in the closet after we picked up that Basketball, looking back the first few years were the most hilarious. We didn't know jack about basketball but we would diligently play this game every day. Twenty feet would go scurrying in the direction of the ball ,the cornered girl out of delirium would toss the ball high in the air to the other corner which would sent all of us running in the opposite direction , and so we would go back-n-forth the court. "Oh! the ball had to be put in the basket is it"? That question was asked a year later. Bloop! Picked up the game thanks to a few helpful guys in class who taught us the very basics like,"you cannot run with the ball holding it up high in the air, you need to dribble it". Armed with this knowledge and a few cool phrases like fast-break , convert and pivot i stepped into college.If i could sum up my whole Engg story in one word it would be Basketball. I didn't play any super-dooper game but it was just soo soo cool hanging around in the Basketball court, all those elusive lanky guys with amazing height , loose shorts that went well past their knees and expensive shoes were clearly the cynosure of all eyes. So i spent my 4 yrs doing lay-ups and tryin some cheap scale shots and playing tournaments.I had kissed this game good bye after i entered the corporate world but the magic of it was revived on Saturday. It was like unearthing those emotions stacked away in some safe corner. Oh boy, the emotions of bygone college days are threatening to emanate. *sniff,sniff*

The mails started pouring in a week before the tournament, thanks to our official Basketball Club spammer Mr.Visakan ,but it did fortify our spirits to put up our best and spread the word around. It turned out to be a sure-fire strategy cos on the day of the tournament we had three teams complete with a good set of subs. Belts and polished shoes made way for shorts and jerseys. Saturday ,it was a glorious morning , threatening clouds and a chill early morning breeze set the stage for what happened to be one super-dooper day. People started pouring in at 6:30AM, eyes clearly showing a dirsupted sleep but heart skipping with great enthusiasm.

The three teams were , First Punch , Slam Dunkers and Trail Blazers, all with a right mix of pro's and amateurs. White Blue and Grey colours on court , players two foot taller and wider than me , and no female species around except for moiself and Pallavi. The first match was between my Team(TB) and First Punch. The whistle was blown and thus started the game. We got thrashed left,right and centre but not before putting up a gutsy fight, courtsey Jason and Paddy clearly the two awe-inspiring players in our team. We had to soothe ourselves with the reality that First Punch had some remarkable players. Vijay's gravity defying moves and baskets were a delight to watch. Hail thee dudeh!
We went on to win the second match against Slam Dunkers. Good defense and aggressive press in the final quarter coupled with rebounds saw us through. Yoo hoo.! We stormed into the finals thanks to a snug strategy adopted by First Punch who defeated Slam Dunkers in what was a blink-your-eye-and-u'll-miss-out-on-action game.
FINALS :: Trail Blazers v/s First Punch
Playing under floodlights was one experience, loosing miserably was another. A one sided match right from the first quarter. I choose to believe that the stars were not on our side. If you asking waht the score was, i would say "ahh..hmm, was that a squirrel or a mongoose on that tree!!"

Playin after 8 months was a real challenge , i was puffing and panting right from the start but the experience was exhilarating, something that will be etched in my memory for a long time. It was all possible thanks to the unceasing exuberance of our BBall members. Tight-D , watch-your-man , convert da, drive-in ,these words are still resonating in my ears. We packed our bags and left the court recounting every moment and talking about the aching back and legs to feel good about the following day.

Me, Myself and I-Self..yeah baby I ride high of ego !

What do u do on a completely othala (jobless) day? If u are me u go ahead and attend a "touch ur soul" session that turned out to be one big ho-hum event right from the word "touch" ! Sigh! Somewhere in the middle(dnt know which point,sleep took over) the sermonizer in a roaring voice asked " Who are you, can u describe yourself?", swearing under my breath for disturbing my blissful sleep i sat upright and wondered how these preachers manage to lull you to sleep with their sweet voice and at the same time bolt u back into position with their deafening roar.

If you asked the above question to a twenty something dumb-wit , he would ve replied in the obvious, "software engg" but when you are sitting with a group of 40 something ppl in their ties and floral print skirts(man can't believe this fashion blooper hasn't yet met the Dodo fate!) you get typical Deepak Chopra type answers , "im the eternal soul immortalised in a body crafted by God", Oh f#%^! Who reads Deepak Chopra these days ?


But this question got me thinking, what are the qualities that make me,ME! It sure is difficult to put all your habits,fears and dreams in a white blog space. *introspection*
So here are the different facets that make up my multifaceted life and i choose to believe tht mine is like a rainbow, a mix of bright and subtle hues!


* I love to sit and procrastinate , if it hadn't been for this trait i would ve opened my own bakery,written a book, learnt spanish, played drums for a rock band, travelled the world (ok i dnt ve the dough for that but hey! no harm in planning right!), thrown out all those decade old notebooks i ve stacked away in cardboard boxes, learnt tennis, dipped my fingers in dramaturgy, dipped the fingers of my other hand in teaching(nursery kids) n the likes but alas! im spending by days doing the obvious !

* I always dream of being somebody else, aaahh common all of us do that! Like the time u meet a very enterprising and articulate person who can play the guitar, dunk, and who has the intelligence to compliment it all . If a mirror was placed in front of you at that moment, you would ve seen your face go all green with envy. There ve been days i ve wanted to be like my friends, friends who know wht their future looks like, friends who are talented, friends who walk around with great oomph. These thoughts last only for a fleeting moment but its perennial !

* I live with a perpetual fear of losing my family and loved ones. I'd rather under a tombstone before anyone of them.

* I can watch SouthPark for 24hrs without feeling sick and pukeish, btw this trait takes the top most position in my Mr.Perfects repertoire (hmm,wonder where he is!).

* I cannot end my week without having a conversation with Buffalo(some ppl call her Swetha) and Savi,school pals i ve known for almost 15 yrs. Also on that list is my punching bag aka Mich, and Jagan,the only guy who can get away with callin me a bitch.

* My parents are not the cool types. They don't pat by back and say things like "Huh,you could gulp down only 2 glasses of vodka? u need to better tht count!" or "Moleee, its only 11PM, i wasn't expecting u before 3AM" or "what,u don't ve a boyfriend!! , leela aunty's daughter manages 5 boyfriends!"..

* I make friends very very easily,i always got along well with the different groups in school and college :: manicure-pedicure-nailpolish group, academic-books-are-my-life group, northie group, i-live-for-sports group, southie group, just about anybody!

* My greatest friend and biggest supporter was, is and will always be my mom. One person who knows all my friends from school, college and office, knows my taste in clothes ,food, music ,books , sports and just about anything. Her wittiness is just inexplicable i say, my sis comes a close second! But with my dad things are different, most of the time its limited conversation.

* I cannot survive a trip to the bathroom without a novel, magazine, newspaper, pamphlet, comics, anything with written material on it! Talk of productivity!

* I cannot for the life of me say NO!
"hey ann my dog just pooped on ur porch,can u clean it for me??"
"Ahh, pooped is it !,ahh..,sure why not i'm looking forward to that exercise!"

"hey can you throw my trash,i need to get to the parlour for my head massage??"
"Oh why not, I'll do that while u enjoy ur massage!"
it is just so so difficult to say that two letter word, bet lot of you battle with this same problem!"

* I love love love to cook,thoran,sambar,avial, biscuits, cake, casseroles, pudding, lasagne, salads... vegetables or meat that can be steamed, tossed, baked and fried has faced the heat under my eyes! and also i love love love to eat ,so there it is :: a perfectoo balanceoo!

* I'm not a movie freak ,as in I cant remember the last time i sat in an AC room and watched something on that big screen but i do make it a point to watch a malayalm picture (prefer the ones from the 80's or early 90's) every sunday on asianet or kairali or surya.

* I'm a neatness freak, my books,clothes,sports equipments,pens n pencils et al can be found in the same place anytime of year and i hate it when ppl(Sis/Mom) borrow my nail-cutter and forget to place it back at the correct place.

* I don't like washing my jeans(hmm..it contradicts the above statement!). I zimmbblly hate the feel of washed jeans or corduroy, they don't hug u at the right places! I believe that jeans catch pneumonia when they come in contact wit water! bloop!

* I'm a great fan of sports, love flexing my limbs with a racquet, ball(all types!) or just abt any sports equipment. Running, Long jump, Kho-Kho, Kabbadi , Shot-put, BasketBall, Swimming , Tennis , Badminton, Football, Cricket and off late Throwball, i ve played it all.

* I'm zapped and completely clueless when i meet someone and the first thing outta their mouth is "wassup!" or "howz life!", they are the most cliched, meaningless ,emotionless conversational gambit !

* I'm a great fan of gospel music and can hum gospel songs 24/7 . I've still not given up my desire to read the bible from cover to cover but the closest i ve got is completing Genesis. I must add i don't quiet believe in the sayings of priest and nuns, while has resulted in furious battles with my nun-aunts and priest-uncles in kerala!

* I' ve a pathetic hadwriting and feel proud of it too. It is soo pathetic that once my math teacher told me "Ann! wht is it u ve written here,i can't figure out if its a cos or a sin .!" this happened 7 yrs back n i still havnt done anything about it, procrastination at its best !

* I'm a walkaholic,i walk to the library,walk to the supermarket, walk back home form office , walk to the mall , walk to brigade roads , get the swing! If its walkable i will be covering it by foot!

* I'm not really a sensitive person. Bear hugs,wet hanki, cooche-coo talks are not my forte! I find it very diffciult to acknowledge a compliment or something thoughtful in an appropriate way.

* I'm a big big attention seeker. I firmly believe in the saying "no of ppl watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action", laughing out loud, jumping around , getting alll excited around ppl, or doing some obnoxiously stupid thing, i indulge in these cheap scale antics ! :)

* I suck in the art of flirting. Damn!!All those crushes i had in college died with time. I feel mortified to say taht i lived a solitary life all these years and age does not permit me to indulge in this teen-fantasy now! Sigh!

* I still walk around with a belief in love at first sight! Shucks,its about time i looked at love in a more realistic way!

* I'm not ashamed of baring out my habbits, good or bad :)"i dont love myself, im crazy about myself"

GO ahead prepare your list, start introspecting and you'll see how difficult it is!